Why Is It Difficult for Musicians to Have Relationships?

When you think about dating a musician, what comes to mind?

Is it the bad boy rockstar that had every girl falling at his feet?

What about the fanfic Harry Styles, who shows you all the magic of life in the fast lane?

Maybe Taylor Swift-style breakup songs start running through your mind?

Whether your image of dating a musician goes down the path of sex, drugs, and Rock & Roll, or serenades and sweethearts, one thing is for certain, it’s always a bumpy ride. 

We all seem to view the relationships of musicians in an explosive light, maybe it’s because they are so closely watched, or maybe it’s because they make careers out of wearing their hearts on their sleeves.

Either way, dating a musician and dating as a musician can be a full-fledged workout!

Why Is It Difficult for Musicians to Have Relationships?

The Obstacles

There are a lot of things that make dating as a musician a little harder than most relationships. Whether we like it or not, being a musician is a full-time job, plus some, and having to balance that with something as important as the well-being and attention of another human can be really stressful.

Some of the main obstacles of these kinds of relationships can range from glaringly obvious all the way to surprising, so let’s talk about them, and how you can work around them in your own relationship. 

The Travel

The Travel

One sign of a successful musician is a tour. Unfortunately, however, it does mean a lot of moving around. For someone who’s been in a relationship for a while, long-distance is far from the worst possibility, but if you’re just getting into it, not being in the same location can be kind of damaging, especially if you haven’t built up enough trust to deal with some of the other obstacles that we’re going to talk about. 

The thing about being a musician is that you are constantly on the move. You can’t become a household name if you only play in your hometown. There is always the option of taking your significant other on the road with you, but that isn’t always the case. 

How To Cope?

There are a lot of ways to deal with the struggles of long-distance relationships. Find ways of staying connected that work for you, whether it is video chatting once a week, or texting each other every five minutes. Try to find times that you can come together, whether it’s pulling your SO out on tour for a little, or taking a break to go home.

Also, remember to talk about how you feel and set yourself up with guidelines to make everyone feel comfortable and appreciated.  In the end, just remember that it won’t last forever. (Quora)

Being In The Public Eye

Being In The Public Eye

Another thing about dating as a musician, especially a popular one, is that fans are always interested in your personal life. Part of being a musician is giving people access to your personality and emotions in a way that a lot of other jobs don’t.

Fans and audiences find a sort of relationship with you that makes them feel like they deserve access to your daily life. 

Sometimes that means having information about you splattered across the internet and sometimes it means people are going to dissect your relationship until they find a flaw.

It also means sharing a lot of yourself with the world, simply by being involved with a musician. It takes a lot of confidence to be in this position, as a musician or their significant other. 

How To Cope?

Dealing with this one is essentially just learning to exist within the public eye. Start by defining how much you want the world to know about you and go from there. Stay strong in your own values, and make sure your partner understands them as well.

If you feel violated at any point in time, see what you can do to get that changed. Sometimes it might mean laying low for a little while, and sometimes it might mean having your partner make a statement about privacy.  (Quora) Just do what it takes to ensure your comfort. 

The Fan-girling (or boying)

The Fan-girling (or boying)

The next big thing to think about when overcoming the obstacles of dating as a musician would be the fan-girling. Just about all of us can think back to a time when our bedroom walls were plastered with boy bands and Pop stars, and even my mom has musicians that she would kill to hop on stage with. It’s part of the territory of being a musician. Besides, let’s face it, having the skill to make music adds like two brownie points to any person. 

To put it simply, the more famous you get, the more likely you are to find marriage proposals in your DMs. It takes confidence to be a musician, but it takes even more to date one. People will throw themselves at your significant other, and your job is simply to trust that they will choose you. 

The thing about it is that doing this can be as easy as breathing, or it can be the most terrible, stressful thing you’ve ever done, and every day is a coin toss. Unfortunately for this obstacle, musicians are pretty well known for falling into the notion that they could have anything, or anyone that they wanted.

Of course, this isn’t true for all musicians, but having access to so many willing people, on top of always moving around, makes it a lot easier to fall into a more “player” mindset. 

How to Cope?

This one is hard. It takes a lot of trust and a lot of mutual respect to keep your relationship from falling into the depths of groupies and fan-girls. In the end, it’s really just the hard level of not cheating on your partner, and sometimes even then, it can be easier for people who are constantly on the move to remain unattached. 

Long story short, if this is an issue and stressor in your relationship and nothing seems to be fixing it, maybe it’s not one of the fixable ones. If any obstacle was one that would worth reconsidering a relationship over, this would be it. Nobody wants to cheat or be cheated on and living in fear of that is certainly not the way to do it. 

The Support or Lack Thereof

The Support or Lack Thereof

Like I said before, being a musician is more than a full time job. It’s a lifestyle and a demanding one at that. The fact of the matter is that musicians need a lot of support from all of the people in their lives, and sometimes aren’t able to return that right away. 

When you get into a relationship with a musician, it is a constant struggle to be a main focus, even for just a little bit. To make matters even worse, any experience can be the difference between something game changing in their career. You have to be ready to constantly support them, and maybe even deal with a few of their antics.

How To Cope?

If you really love someone, you manage their needs as well as your own and because we don’t live in a perfect world that sometimes means having an uneven balance. If one of you needs more support for a little while, say during the release of a new album or a tour, then take the time to plan for a shift in that balance.

Musicians need time to decompress after big events in their career. Let that be the time that they are the support system for their partners experiences, or maybe build something that you can be co-supportive in. 

If your relationship is worth fighting for, then you’ll be willing to put in a little more work. At the end of the day, you know if you can handle a relationship with someone who takes a little more effort. Whether it is through long distance, consistently being in public view, or just being there to support each other, something really beautiful can come from the right relationship. 

Have faith that your love for each other will help you hold onto the important things, and just pay attention to what you need. If things aren’t working out for the best, it is okay to take a step back and take care of yourself and the things that are the most important to you. Dating as a musician is hard, but when it’s right, it can be the best thing in the world. 

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